I wish for one day full of warm sunshine, rainbows, lots and lots of puppies and kittens and all the chocolate chip cookies I could eat.  I wish for green green grass and billowy clouds; for giggles and smiles and a ride on my very own zebra with dragonfly wings.  Singing fish in the pond and laughing birds in the sky.  The perfect trees for climbing and cartwheels and cake.  But  for all the other days I'll  just wish for joy.

Growing, Loving, Living

I wish I could gain acceptance.  It would be so nice to just accept things as they are and not focus on how it doesn't seem right.  I would just accept people for how they are and how they change and I would accept myself completely also.  But I also would like to be able to accept help when I need it; to accept opportunities that come my way, and to accept compliments.  I'll bet the world would seem so much richer if I stopped fretting about the negatives that I perceive and accept them.  That leaves a lot of energy left to focus on the wonderful in this world.

My first memory is very odd.  I was laying in my crib and I was very aware of the textures and the colors and the sounds all around me.  The door opened and a few of my mother's friends came in to see me.  And then a woman behind them came in that wasn't my mother.  She moved closer to the crib and looked down into my eyes and I knew that this person was me, fully grown.  We just stared at each other.  She picked me up so carefully and held me like I was the greatest treasure.  I have never felt love for myself more than that moment.  I could feel the love in my infant body as well as my adult body.  I looked into my adult eyes and I saw into the infant eyes.  Everything and everybody else in the room had stopped like time was frozen, the air had gotten heavier, everything became very quiet.  I was putting myself back in the crib and leaning down gazing at myself with such gentleness and love then the adult left me. 

Over the years I have taken on a few of the characteristics of the adult I saw.  There is no way it was my mother and I am not even sure it was a reality.  It could have been a dream.  It could have been an angel who knows.  But it was amazing.  I was maybe only a year old in the crib and I don't have any more memories of anything until I turned three.  Very odd.